Why are there so many books written about relationships? Maybe we should all seek to find clues to happier endings. Our individual pride confirms to each of us that the other person needs these books. Our complacency forces our counterpart to put up with our selfishness that eventually turns into bitterness. This happens not only between the male and female, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, but also in casual relationships. Can we talk about relationships in general?
For the most part, I believe that a person who loves him or her self first will then be able to love others. A person who tolerates his or her own actions is also more tolerant of others - I believe. Think of it this way: people tend to view others as they view themselves. If then I believe that I am human, that I make mistakes, and that I will love myself more tomorrow than I did today, then this is the me that I bring to the relationship. This is all the me that I can offer to the person with whom I am involved.
That step takes some soul-searching though. It is without judgement that you learn to love yourself. It's not where you end it - but it is where you start. You end up judging your actions and making corrections, but initially you need to see you for who you are and love you for who you are. Period. Failure to do this puts all your relationships at risk. If you have some obvious issues that you have not acknowledged, recognized, and loved you will not be able to stand the criticism from those with whom you are in relationship. This includes family relationships, personal relationships, and business relationships. Have you ever met someone who can talk about their short-comings and laugh? Further, have you noticed the comfort you feel in wanting to relate to this person? It is not long before you begin sharing your problems with this person. You see the light-heartedness and honesty with which they handle their own self, so your fear of being judged quickly fades away.
To be successful in relationships,
1. first take care of loving and respecting yourself
2. acknowledge your faults - find clues from what others may have said in the past
3. lose your pride and talk about your faults from time-to-time
4. allow others the opportunity to declare their faults without being judged
5. dispel any imbalance in the relationship by taking criticism, especially from someone who self-judges much of the time. It's stressful to be in a relationship with you if you are perfect.
Did that help? I hope it did. After all this is who I am, this is what I do...
Etta Kit
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
To Call or Not to Call
People just aren't relying on communicating via the telephone to relay messages. Teenagers and young adults especially prefer to text their messages, rather than to communicate verbally. I thought of some of the best instances to pick up the receiver and make a verbal telephone call or not.
*Call from a land line the first month you get behind on your mortgage. The closer you are to pre-foreclosure status, the worse it looks that your cell phone bill has been paid.
*Call your grandparents. I have observed an elderly person trying to figure out which buttons lead to the text message, only to get there and not know how to get back to the main screen saver.
*Call your girlfriend when you invite the guys over. She needs to get in all of her questions about who's coming, who's cooking, who's drinking, and how long are they staying. It is best if she processes all of this information with you on the phone, because she may throw in some slur words that lose their power in a text transmission.
*Call the neighbors when you want to be nosey. They love it that you give them an opportunity to play "big shot" and hear themselves lie.
*Call your managers work phone number when you will be late for work - even if you have his or her cell phone number. It's more courteous, especially since your employer pays you and not your manager.
*Call whomever you need to talk to when you are in a crisis. People sympathize with hearing your voice.
*Call your hairdresser for an appointment instead of sending him or her a text message and here's why: Your haidresser works with his or her hands and texting may take attention away from the client.
Some instances when NOT TO CALL:
*Don't call your wife to argue, instead text her. If you text her, you allow her a chance to beat out her frustration on the cell phone keys in response to your text. She'll be somewhat relaxed when she gets home.
*Don't call in to cast your vote in a contest. First, it's not worth it. It is simpler to send a text message. Secondly a text message serves as a great reminder when you view your phone log that you helped someone else win big.
*Don't call in to your local bank about anything - always visit. The bankers need practice at redesigning their customer awareness skills.
*Last, but not least DO NOT Call your children when they might be in trouble - they need to see the words, GET HOME NOW!.
Got it? Get it. EttaKit it...
*Call from a land line the first month you get behind on your mortgage. The closer you are to pre-foreclosure status, the worse it looks that your cell phone bill has been paid.
*Call your grandparents. I have observed an elderly person trying to figure out which buttons lead to the text message, only to get there and not know how to get back to the main screen saver.
*Call your girlfriend when you invite the guys over. She needs to get in all of her questions about who's coming, who's cooking, who's drinking, and how long are they staying. It is best if she processes all of this information with you on the phone, because she may throw in some slur words that lose their power in a text transmission.
*Call the neighbors when you want to be nosey. They love it that you give them an opportunity to play "big shot" and hear themselves lie.
*Call your managers work phone number when you will be late for work - even if you have his or her cell phone number. It's more courteous, especially since your employer pays you and not your manager.
*Call whomever you need to talk to when you are in a crisis. People sympathize with hearing your voice.
*Call your hairdresser for an appointment instead of sending him or her a text message and here's why: Your haidresser works with his or her hands and texting may take attention away from the client.
Some instances when NOT TO CALL:
*Don't call your wife to argue, instead text her. If you text her, you allow her a chance to beat out her frustration on the cell phone keys in response to your text. She'll be somewhat relaxed when she gets home.
*Don't call in to cast your vote in a contest. First, it's not worth it. It is simpler to send a text message. Secondly a text message serves as a great reminder when you view your phone log that you helped someone else win big.
*Don't call in to your local bank about anything - always visit. The bankers need practice at redesigning their customer awareness skills.
*Last, but not least DO NOT Call your children when they might be in trouble - they need to see the words, GET HOME NOW!.
Got it? Get it. EttaKit it...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Men...get her present right
Come on guys...you've been around this girl, this wife, for maybe only a short time or maybe for years. But in trying to do something special for the holidays, you surprise her with a garment suited to your liking. Some of my male friends admit that when shopping for their ladies, they actually picture famous females wearing or using the garment. Now fellas, heads up: that doesn't work. Your motives will quickly be questioned. She will accuse you of cheating with "the "skinny" woman you must have bought these for."
Here's some prevention therapy:
Before shopping, jot down her labels in her closet so you can know her brands and her sizes. Does she wear a size 6 jeans, but a L (large) sweater? What colors does she wear most? Does she prefer knit, cotton, or polyester shirts? How high are her shoe heels? Maybe she prefers ankle-high boots in bright colors and calf-length boots in suede. Are her sandals a size 6, but her pumps a 6 1/2?
And don't forget the undergarments - to purchase her a Victoria's Secret gift card. If you like her because she's chest-blessed keep in mind that one Victoria Secret bra carries a retail price between $45 - $75, easily. A $100 gift card yields one bra and maybe two pairs of underwear. If you play here cheap here, you might get jipped on the other end of this present - if you know what I mean.
Throughout the year women buy their personal accessories such as jewelry, scarves, belts, purses, and gloves. If you want to buy a woman something special, you could start a trend. Fashionable women typically have a trademark, called a "signature" piece: big rings, pearl bracelets, belts with big buckles, a sparkly brooch. If not, you could start a signature for your lady. Buy her the same type of present every year. A friend of mine was married to a soldier. Every year he would return from his overseas training with a bracelet from that region. Priceless. A former hair stylist of mine would buy his wife a designer purse every year for Christmas, filled with $1 bills.
Whatever you decide men, make it "her" gift, not yours. Take the time to give her present(s). I make it plural because even if you buy her a car, you can throw in an insulated travel mug, and place a book-on-tape on the passenger seat. All women would appreciate more than one present. Funds low? Watch my blog, I'll post some apprpriate ideas to help you touch her heart. After all that's what I do, that's who I am...
Etta Kit
Here's some prevention therapy:
Before shopping, jot down her labels in her closet so you can know her brands and her sizes. Does she wear a size 6 jeans, but a L (large) sweater? What colors does she wear most? Does she prefer knit, cotton, or polyester shirts? How high are her shoe heels? Maybe she prefers ankle-high boots in bright colors and calf-length boots in suede. Are her sandals a size 6, but her pumps a 6 1/2?
And don't forget the undergarments - to purchase her a Victoria's Secret gift card. If you like her because she's chest-blessed keep in mind that one Victoria Secret bra carries a retail price between $45 - $75, easily. A $100 gift card yields one bra and maybe two pairs of underwear. If you play here cheap here, you might get jipped on the other end of this present - if you know what I mean.
Throughout the year women buy their personal accessories such as jewelry, scarves, belts, purses, and gloves. If you want to buy a woman something special, you could start a trend. Fashionable women typically have a trademark, called a "signature" piece: big rings, pearl bracelets, belts with big buckles, a sparkly brooch. If not, you could start a signature for your lady. Buy her the same type of present every year. A friend of mine was married to a soldier. Every year he would return from his overseas training with a bracelet from that region. Priceless. A former hair stylist of mine would buy his wife a designer purse every year for Christmas, filled with $1 bills.
Whatever you decide men, make it "her" gift, not yours. Take the time to give her present(s). I make it plural because even if you buy her a car, you can throw in an insulated travel mug, and place a book-on-tape on the passenger seat. All women would appreciate more than one present. Funds low? Watch my blog, I'll post some apprpriate ideas to help you touch her heart. After all that's what I do, that's who I am...
Etta Kit
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Scented Litigation
Apparently a Detroit employee is suing her employer because her co-workers perfumes made the woman sick, causing her to miss work. Some of you are going to say puh-lease. Then some of you with allergies will go to work and start your own journal to follow suit - if I may say.
Allergic reactions can be quite sickening. It is the employers obligation to provide the most equatable work environment for all employees. The need to wear perfume may not hold as much weight as the need to breathe. Some argue the "perfumed" worker may have had a chemical sensitivity, but the issue here is the employer's responsibility to all employees.
On the flip side, what about body odor? A bunch of jocks who run at lunch, but fail to shower, can be just as bothersome as an employee wearing strong perfume. I can think of many scenarios - burnt microwave popcorn, "Big Toe" Jam, drycleaner scents - that trigger allergies in the office.
The offended employee has a right to file a lawsuit - if her employer was negligent in taking corrective action. I thought about a relative of mine who suffers from allergies - a child. Sometimes those allergic reactions lead to difficulty breathing and even wheezing. I believe there is the possibility the employee could have been sickened by the perfume smell.
If you are a business owner and provide a place for people to work, be mindful of how you allow other employees, contractors, and visitors to threaten a "pleasant" and non-offensive work environment. One scented lawsuit was awarded for over $10 millions, but was reduced to $800K - still could wipe out some small businesses.
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Allergic reactions can be quite sickening. It is the employers obligation to provide the most equatable work environment for all employees. The need to wear perfume may not hold as much weight as the need to breathe. Some argue the "perfumed" worker may have had a chemical sensitivity, but the issue here is the employer's responsibility to all employees.
On the flip side, what about body odor? A bunch of jocks who run at lunch, but fail to shower, can be just as bothersome as an employee wearing strong perfume. I can think of many scenarios - burnt microwave popcorn, "Big Toe" Jam, drycleaner scents - that trigger allergies in the office.
The offended employee has a right to file a lawsuit - if her employer was negligent in taking corrective action. I thought about a relative of mine who suffers from allergies - a child. Sometimes those allergic reactions lead to difficulty breathing and even wheezing. I believe there is the possibility the employee could have been sickened by the perfume smell.
If you are a business owner and provide a place for people to work, be mindful of how you allow other employees, contractors, and visitors to threaten a "pleasant" and non-offensive work environment. One scented lawsuit was awarded for over $10 millions, but was reduced to $800K - still could wipe out some small businesses.
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Social Kingdoms Shaken
Now is not the time to forget your social graces, but if in these trying times you lose your cool, you may be pardoned. The world is in sort of an uproar you know. If it's not your personal life that's in a crisis, maybe the next person's is. Not only are we as a nation re-writing our history, but some of the people I know closely (namely me) are adapting different tolerance levels just to survive.
A few days ago some of my friends discussed their personal financial portfolio in a group of people. At first I was shocked because this couple likes everyone to think they have money. They are also very private people. I listened intently hoping to pick up some measure of their personal worth. It didn't work and I found myself more moved by how the economic crisis has us all forgetting our social manners of discretion.
One of my managers is somewhat moody. We tend to think of her as being so solemn she skips some heartbeats. Well when I engaged a co-worker in dialogue about the stock market, my managers face turned red (not blushing - just showing some form of life). This manager lost almost 10% of her investment in just a couple of days. She was facing the week with fear. To me it sounded like she needed some support - really. If we weren't near strangers I think she would have leaned over and cried.
Society as a whole is changing their economic focus inward. While many of us can't do much about the stockmarket, we have unconciously merged into the group of Rocky Investors. And there are no strangers. No one is an outsider. We are forgetting to "not talk to strangers". Hoping to find some relief in the "misery loves company" scene, we hope anyone at anytime will talk in economic terms. If not as a participant, but as a by-stander, we have seen or become a bunch of nosey folks. We eavesdrop, we lean over just a little bit farther to hear the word "bailout". We even ask people about their private financial business. Shame on us! When it's all said and done, we will have created a new economic social order not soon to be forgotten.
A few days ago some of my friends discussed their personal financial portfolio in a group of people. At first I was shocked because this couple likes everyone to think they have money. They are also very private people. I listened intently hoping to pick up some measure of their personal worth. It didn't work and I found myself more moved by how the economic crisis has us all forgetting our social manners of discretion.
One of my managers is somewhat moody. We tend to think of her as being so solemn she skips some heartbeats. Well when I engaged a co-worker in dialogue about the stock market, my managers face turned red (not blushing - just showing some form of life). This manager lost almost 10% of her investment in just a couple of days. She was facing the week with fear. To me it sounded like she needed some support - really. If we weren't near strangers I think she would have leaned over and cried.
Society as a whole is changing their economic focus inward. While many of us can't do much about the stockmarket, we have unconciously merged into the group of Rocky Investors. And there are no strangers. No one is an outsider. We are forgetting to "not talk to strangers". Hoping to find some relief in the "misery loves company" scene, we hope anyone at anytime will talk in economic terms. If not as a participant, but as a by-stander, we have seen or become a bunch of nosey folks. We eavesdrop, we lean over just a little bit farther to hear the word "bailout". We even ask people about their private financial business. Shame on us! When it's all said and done, we will have created a new economic social order not soon to be forgotten.
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