It happens to me all the time, I start walking together with someone - engaged in conversation - and then they are gone. Disappear? you ask. Well sort of, but not really. Rather what I am describing is what occurs when the party to whom I was speaking takes off walking ahead of me for some distance. The person never looks back. He or she is not conscious that the company that was once by their side is no longer there. Or that is what seems to be the prevailing thought until once my travel companion reaches our destination I am once again acknowledged over the shoulder.
Who started this trend? I really do not walk that slow. Please understand that it takes a lady careful calculation to "click-click" in high heels, sway her hips from the right to the left, and then move her head in unison. How we do what we do here when wearing heels is not just some random movement. (If you treat it random, it will show and you won't look cute at all!) We especially need ladies to slow down their pace when walking with other ladies - help us out here.
The ideal walking pace would be one that allows a conversation to continue or begin for that matter. Take the time to make eye contact with the other person with whom you are walking and talking. This activity forces you to remember you have someone talking to and walking with you. If the other person drops out of sight behind you, it is not the Rapture, so do not think you were left here on earth. Instead stop walking, turn around, and wait for them to catch up. Leaders may have a natural tendency to walk ahead of the pack so if you are one, take note.
I get this funny feeling when someone walks off ahead of me, almost as if I am losing a race of sorts. So maybe competitive people (like myself) have a hard time feeling as if we are in second place?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Elevators, I know
There's yet another difference in northern and southern culture which I noticed while riding the elevator in an office building last week. Those of you who know me understand my respect for male chivalry. I whole heartedly support a male figure taking the lead role in most all situations. My southern roots just have me like that.
In the southern United States, I notice that men flex their biceps and hold back the elevator doors for women to enter the cab first. If these men are smart (and single), they will quickly follow. That just put points on the tally sheet for any man hoping to get a woman's attention. As the elevator progresses to its destination and the man happens to be going to the same floor as any woman in the cab, the gentleman (as I will rename him now) will step to the side and once again flex his biceps to hold the doors for the woman to exit first. That's just the way it happens in the south from my fifteen-plus years of experience living there.
How does this same scenario work in the north you ask? Let me remind you I have southern roots, but was born and raised in the midwest (north of the southern states). I lived in the south for many years and now I live in the north. It is in the north that I noticed an absence of male chivalry. For about a week after relocating to the Washington, DC area, I found myself competing with the men to jump on the elevator first. These same men would leave the cab first when going to the same destination as myself. Stepping to the side and holding that door for me was not on the mens agendas! This appeared to be the attitude of old men, young men, gay men, straight men, married men, single men, men of all races, blue-collar men, and white-collar men...you get the picture? I did not notice a consistent male chivalry pattern for at least seven months. However, the local women are not taken aback by these male actions. To me they take it in stride - literally - they keep moving.
I will reiterate how wonderful to a woman the actions of a man taking the lead and providing a pathway for her to both enter and exit to her destination. Aaaahh...
In the southern United States, I notice that men flex their biceps and hold back the elevator doors for women to enter the cab first. If these men are smart (and single), they will quickly follow. That just put points on the tally sheet for any man hoping to get a woman's attention. As the elevator progresses to its destination and the man happens to be going to the same floor as any woman in the cab, the gentleman (as I will rename him now) will step to the side and once again flex his biceps to hold the doors for the woman to exit first. That's just the way it happens in the south from my fifteen-plus years of experience living there.
How does this same scenario work in the north you ask? Let me remind you I have southern roots, but was born and raised in the midwest (north of the southern states). I lived in the south for many years and now I live in the north. It is in the north that I noticed an absence of male chivalry. For about a week after relocating to the Washington, DC area, I found myself competing with the men to jump on the elevator first. These same men would leave the cab first when going to the same destination as myself. Stepping to the side and holding that door for me was not on the mens agendas! This appeared to be the attitude of old men, young men, gay men, straight men, married men, single men, men of all races, blue-collar men, and white-collar men...you get the picture? I did not notice a consistent male chivalry pattern for at least seven months. However, the local women are not taken aback by these male actions. To me they take it in stride - literally - they keep moving.
I will reiterate how wonderful to a woman the actions of a man taking the lead and providing a pathway for her to both enter and exit to her destination. Aaaahh...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
And a child shall lead them...
Recently some associates of mine were impressed when upon meeting my seven-year old son, he extended his hand and introduced himself with his first and last name. The handshake was firm as he looked them in the eye. But the opposite of him leading the introductions was that he waited to hear their names so he could repeat, "Nice to meet you __________." Training children to be confident and proud of who they are increases their self-esteem. Some of the issues children face in school such as low grades, influence of peer pressure, and bullying have been linked to low self-esteem.
When I taught my son this greeting he was apprehensive at first. I realized he rarely saw anyone do this. Even when I meet people, I begin talking without formally introducing myself. It is amazing how our small mannerisms affect our children. By just changing how I respond to strangers I create habits that reinforce my childrens social skills. It's not just my business at www.ettakit.com, but it's also my life.
When I taught my son this greeting he was apprehensive at first. I realized he rarely saw anyone do this. Even when I meet people, I begin talking without formally introducing myself. It is amazing how our small mannerisms affect our children. By just changing how I respond to strangers I create habits that reinforce my childrens social skills. It's not just my business at www.ettakit.com, but it's also my life.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Spring Step
This time of year poses problems for many women, including myself. There is some truth that a change in the weather disrupts normal brain functions for a period of time until cerebral fluids readjust. During the Spring, we get in touble for daydreaming, wanting to play in the dirt, or just lounging around outside. Albeit, one of my favorite seasonal pasttimes is to spend one day walking into stores trying on sandals. With each trial, I find myself thinking about all the fun places I could wear the shoes: the beach; lunch with some friends on the patio of a cool diner; mid-week church revival; dinner and a movie; family reunions. Before I know it, it feels like I have worn the shoes already, so I place them back in the box and carry on. Some of the shoes though I keep. But, I promise I refuse to buy any shoes for which I have not already prepared a visual in my mind.
As a trained image consultant, I have learned that Rule Number One in this business is to know me. This keeps my personal preferences for myself separate from the recommendations I offer my clients. So I know what I like, what looks good on me, and the styles I should avoid. Flats, gladitor sandals, sandals with less than a one-inch heel, and patent leather sandals all fall into my "NO" category. In 2007, I took my Mom and the kids to our favorite vacation spot for a week. Once there at Saint Simons Island, Georgia I unpacked my suitcase of shoes. The only styles I purchased were those with two or three-inch heels. Even my flip-flops were on a 3-inch heel. But I know my stuff and can walk my walk (the confidence I recommend for every woman) so even my high-heels were appropriate for sandy beaches.
As a trained image consultant, I have learned that Rule Number One in this business is to know me. This keeps my personal preferences for myself separate from the recommendations I offer my clients. So I know what I like, what looks good on me, and the styles I should avoid. Flats, gladitor sandals, sandals with less than a one-inch heel, and patent leather sandals all fall into my "NO" category. In 2007, I took my Mom and the kids to our favorite vacation spot for a week. Once there at Saint Simons Island, Georgia I unpacked my suitcase of shoes. The only styles I purchased were those with two or three-inch heels. Even my flip-flops were on a 3-inch heel. But I know my stuff and can walk my walk (the confidence I recommend for every woman) so even my high-heels were appropriate for sandy beaches.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Inauguration Michelle's Way
Hey Ladies. Let's give it up for the classy, the sophisticated, the elegant Michelle Obama! What a day of fashion for her. Earlier I chatted with some associates of mine and we all agree the First Lady exhibits her own style. She is very unique. It is hard to peg what she will wear next. And guess what? We like it. Michelle has ushered us into an era where we get to be who we want to be. It is great! It is time ladies to be daring. Daring enough to let our self be reflected in ourselves every day. Wow! Not only does Michelle's husbands election empower the word "freedom", but Michelle's style does exactly the same.
So what are you going to do ladies? Michelle has put you up to the challenge to be your own you. How will you handle it. Will you crop your hair and color your ends? Maybe you will wear fishnet hose more often? Could it be that now you will wear big hoop earrings? Whatever you want to do, will you tell us so we can get some inspiration?
So what are you going to do ladies? Michelle has put you up to the challenge to be your own you. How will you handle it. Will you crop your hair and color your ends? Maybe you will wear fishnet hose more often? Could it be that now you will wear big hoop earrings? Whatever you want to do, will you tell us so we can get some inspiration?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Relationships
Why are there so many books written about relationships? Maybe we should all seek to find clues to happier endings. Our individual pride confirms to each of us that the other person needs these books. Our complacency forces our counterpart to put up with our selfishness that eventually turns into bitterness. This happens not only between the male and female, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, but also in casual relationships. Can we talk about relationships in general?
For the most part, I believe that a person who loves him or her self first will then be able to love others. A person who tolerates his or her own actions is also more tolerant of others - I believe. Think of it this way: people tend to view others as they view themselves. If then I believe that I am human, that I make mistakes, and that I will love myself more tomorrow than I did today, then this is the me that I bring to the relationship. This is all the me that I can offer to the person with whom I am involved.
That step takes some soul-searching though. It is without judgement that you learn to love yourself. It's not where you end it - but it is where you start. You end up judging your actions and making corrections, but initially you need to see you for who you are and love you for who you are. Period. Failure to do this puts all your relationships at risk. If you have some obvious issues that you have not acknowledged, recognized, and loved you will not be able to stand the criticism from those with whom you are in relationship. This includes family relationships, personal relationships, and business relationships. Have you ever met someone who can talk about their short-comings and laugh? Further, have you noticed the comfort you feel in wanting to relate to this person? It is not long before you begin sharing your problems with this person. You see the light-heartedness and honesty with which they handle their own self, so your fear of being judged quickly fades away.
To be successful in relationships,
1. first take care of loving and respecting yourself
2. acknowledge your faults - find clues from what others may have said in the past
3. lose your pride and talk about your faults from time-to-time
4. allow others the opportunity to declare their faults without being judged
5. dispel any imbalance in the relationship by taking criticism, especially from someone who self-judges much of the time. It's stressful to be in a relationship with you if you are perfect.
Did that help? I hope it did. After all this is who I am, this is what I do...
Etta Kit
For the most part, I believe that a person who loves him or her self first will then be able to love others. A person who tolerates his or her own actions is also more tolerant of others - I believe. Think of it this way: people tend to view others as they view themselves. If then I believe that I am human, that I make mistakes, and that I will love myself more tomorrow than I did today, then this is the me that I bring to the relationship. This is all the me that I can offer to the person with whom I am involved.
That step takes some soul-searching though. It is without judgement that you learn to love yourself. It's not where you end it - but it is where you start. You end up judging your actions and making corrections, but initially you need to see you for who you are and love you for who you are. Period. Failure to do this puts all your relationships at risk. If you have some obvious issues that you have not acknowledged, recognized, and loved you will not be able to stand the criticism from those with whom you are in relationship. This includes family relationships, personal relationships, and business relationships. Have you ever met someone who can talk about their short-comings and laugh? Further, have you noticed the comfort you feel in wanting to relate to this person? It is not long before you begin sharing your problems with this person. You see the light-heartedness and honesty with which they handle their own self, so your fear of being judged quickly fades away.
To be successful in relationships,
1. first take care of loving and respecting yourself
2. acknowledge your faults - find clues from what others may have said in the past
3. lose your pride and talk about your faults from time-to-time
4. allow others the opportunity to declare their faults without being judged
5. dispel any imbalance in the relationship by taking criticism, especially from someone who self-judges much of the time. It's stressful to be in a relationship with you if you are perfect.
Did that help? I hope it did. After all this is who I am, this is what I do...
Etta Kit
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
To Call or Not to Call
People just aren't relying on communicating via the telephone to relay messages. Teenagers and young adults especially prefer to text their messages, rather than to communicate verbally. I thought of some of the best instances to pick up the receiver and make a verbal telephone call or not.
*Call from a land line the first month you get behind on your mortgage. The closer you are to pre-foreclosure status, the worse it looks that your cell phone bill has been paid.
*Call your grandparents. I have observed an elderly person trying to figure out which buttons lead to the text message, only to get there and not know how to get back to the main screen saver.
*Call your girlfriend when you invite the guys over. She needs to get in all of her questions about who's coming, who's cooking, who's drinking, and how long are they staying. It is best if she processes all of this information with you on the phone, because she may throw in some slur words that lose their power in a text transmission.
*Call the neighbors when you want to be nosey. They love it that you give them an opportunity to play "big shot" and hear themselves lie.
*Call your managers work phone number when you will be late for work - even if you have his or her cell phone number. It's more courteous, especially since your employer pays you and not your manager.
*Call whomever you need to talk to when you are in a crisis. People sympathize with hearing your voice.
*Call your hairdresser for an appointment instead of sending him or her a text message and here's why: Your haidresser works with his or her hands and texting may take attention away from the client.
Some instances when NOT TO CALL:
*Don't call your wife to argue, instead text her. If you text her, you allow her a chance to beat out her frustration on the cell phone keys in response to your text. She'll be somewhat relaxed when she gets home.
*Don't call in to cast your vote in a contest. First, it's not worth it. It is simpler to send a text message. Secondly a text message serves as a great reminder when you view your phone log that you helped someone else win big.
*Don't call in to your local bank about anything - always visit. The bankers need practice at redesigning their customer awareness skills.
*Last, but not least DO NOT Call your children when they might be in trouble - they need to see the words, GET HOME NOW!.
Got it? Get it. EttaKit it...
*Call from a land line the first month you get behind on your mortgage. The closer you are to pre-foreclosure status, the worse it looks that your cell phone bill has been paid.
*Call your grandparents. I have observed an elderly person trying to figure out which buttons lead to the text message, only to get there and not know how to get back to the main screen saver.
*Call your girlfriend when you invite the guys over. She needs to get in all of her questions about who's coming, who's cooking, who's drinking, and how long are they staying. It is best if she processes all of this information with you on the phone, because she may throw in some slur words that lose their power in a text transmission.
*Call the neighbors when you want to be nosey. They love it that you give them an opportunity to play "big shot" and hear themselves lie.
*Call your managers work phone number when you will be late for work - even if you have his or her cell phone number. It's more courteous, especially since your employer pays you and not your manager.
*Call whomever you need to talk to when you are in a crisis. People sympathize with hearing your voice.
*Call your hairdresser for an appointment instead of sending him or her a text message and here's why: Your haidresser works with his or her hands and texting may take attention away from the client.
Some instances when NOT TO CALL:
*Don't call your wife to argue, instead text her. If you text her, you allow her a chance to beat out her frustration on the cell phone keys in response to your text. She'll be somewhat relaxed when she gets home.
*Don't call in to cast your vote in a contest. First, it's not worth it. It is simpler to send a text message. Secondly a text message serves as a great reminder when you view your phone log that you helped someone else win big.
*Don't call in to your local bank about anything - always visit. The bankers need practice at redesigning their customer awareness skills.
*Last, but not least DO NOT Call your children when they might be in trouble - they need to see the words, GET HOME NOW!.
Got it? Get it. EttaKit it...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Men...get her present right
Come on guys...you've been around this girl, this wife, for maybe only a short time or maybe for years. But in trying to do something special for the holidays, you surprise her with a garment suited to your liking. Some of my male friends admit that when shopping for their ladies, they actually picture famous females wearing or using the garment. Now fellas, heads up: that doesn't work. Your motives will quickly be questioned. She will accuse you of cheating with "the "skinny" woman you must have bought these for."
Here's some prevention therapy:
Before shopping, jot down her labels in her closet so you can know her brands and her sizes. Does she wear a size 6 jeans, but a L (large) sweater? What colors does she wear most? Does she prefer knit, cotton, or polyester shirts? How high are her shoe heels? Maybe she prefers ankle-high boots in bright colors and calf-length boots in suede. Are her sandals a size 6, but her pumps a 6 1/2?
And don't forget the undergarments - to purchase her a Victoria's Secret gift card. If you like her because she's chest-blessed keep in mind that one Victoria Secret bra carries a retail price between $45 - $75, easily. A $100 gift card yields one bra and maybe two pairs of underwear. If you play here cheap here, you might get jipped on the other end of this present - if you know what I mean.
Throughout the year women buy their personal accessories such as jewelry, scarves, belts, purses, and gloves. If you want to buy a woman something special, you could start a trend. Fashionable women typically have a trademark, called a "signature" piece: big rings, pearl bracelets, belts with big buckles, a sparkly brooch. If not, you could start a signature for your lady. Buy her the same type of present every year. A friend of mine was married to a soldier. Every year he would return from his overseas training with a bracelet from that region. Priceless. A former hair stylist of mine would buy his wife a designer purse every year for Christmas, filled with $1 bills.
Whatever you decide men, make it "her" gift, not yours. Take the time to give her present(s). I make it plural because even if you buy her a car, you can throw in an insulated travel mug, and place a book-on-tape on the passenger seat. All women would appreciate more than one present. Funds low? Watch my blog, I'll post some apprpriate ideas to help you touch her heart. After all that's what I do, that's who I am...
Etta Kit
Here's some prevention therapy:
Before shopping, jot down her labels in her closet so you can know her brands and her sizes. Does she wear a size 6 jeans, but a L (large) sweater? What colors does she wear most? Does she prefer knit, cotton, or polyester shirts? How high are her shoe heels? Maybe she prefers ankle-high boots in bright colors and calf-length boots in suede. Are her sandals a size 6, but her pumps a 6 1/2?
And don't forget the undergarments - to purchase her a Victoria's Secret gift card. If you like her because she's chest-blessed keep in mind that one Victoria Secret bra carries a retail price between $45 - $75, easily. A $100 gift card yields one bra and maybe two pairs of underwear. If you play here cheap here, you might get jipped on the other end of this present - if you know what I mean.
Throughout the year women buy their personal accessories such as jewelry, scarves, belts, purses, and gloves. If you want to buy a woman something special, you could start a trend. Fashionable women typically have a trademark, called a "signature" piece: big rings, pearl bracelets, belts with big buckles, a sparkly brooch. If not, you could start a signature for your lady. Buy her the same type of present every year. A friend of mine was married to a soldier. Every year he would return from his overseas training with a bracelet from that region. Priceless. A former hair stylist of mine would buy his wife a designer purse every year for Christmas, filled with $1 bills.
Whatever you decide men, make it "her" gift, not yours. Take the time to give her present(s). I make it plural because even if you buy her a car, you can throw in an insulated travel mug, and place a book-on-tape on the passenger seat. All women would appreciate more than one present. Funds low? Watch my blog, I'll post some apprpriate ideas to help you touch her heart. After all that's what I do, that's who I am...
Etta Kit
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Scented Litigation
Apparently a Detroit employee is suing her employer because her co-workers perfumes made the woman sick, causing her to miss work. Some of you are going to say puh-lease. Then some of you with allergies will go to work and start your own journal to follow suit - if I may say.
Allergic reactions can be quite sickening. It is the employers obligation to provide the most equatable work environment for all employees. The need to wear perfume may not hold as much weight as the need to breathe. Some argue the "perfumed" worker may have had a chemical sensitivity, but the issue here is the employer's responsibility to all employees.
On the flip side, what about body odor? A bunch of jocks who run at lunch, but fail to shower, can be just as bothersome as an employee wearing strong perfume. I can think of many scenarios - burnt microwave popcorn, "Big Toe" Jam, drycleaner scents - that trigger allergies in the office.
The offended employee has a right to file a lawsuit - if her employer was negligent in taking corrective action. I thought about a relative of mine who suffers from allergies - a child. Sometimes those allergic reactions lead to difficulty breathing and even wheezing. I believe there is the possibility the employee could have been sickened by the perfume smell.
If you are a business owner and provide a place for people to work, be mindful of how you allow other employees, contractors, and visitors to threaten a "pleasant" and non-offensive work environment. One scented lawsuit was awarded for over $10 millions, but was reduced to $800K - still could wipe out some small businesses.
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Allergic reactions can be quite sickening. It is the employers obligation to provide the most equatable work environment for all employees. The need to wear perfume may not hold as much weight as the need to breathe. Some argue the "perfumed" worker may have had a chemical sensitivity, but the issue here is the employer's responsibility to all employees.
On the flip side, what about body odor? A bunch of jocks who run at lunch, but fail to shower, can be just as bothersome as an employee wearing strong perfume. I can think of many scenarios - burnt microwave popcorn, "Big Toe" Jam, drycleaner scents - that trigger allergies in the office.
The offended employee has a right to file a lawsuit - if her employer was negligent in taking corrective action. I thought about a relative of mine who suffers from allergies - a child. Sometimes those allergic reactions lead to difficulty breathing and even wheezing. I believe there is the possibility the employee could have been sickened by the perfume smell.
If you are a business owner and provide a place for people to work, be mindful of how you allow other employees, contractors, and visitors to threaten a "pleasant" and non-offensive work environment. One scented lawsuit was awarded for over $10 millions, but was reduced to $800K - still could wipe out some small businesses.
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Social Kingdoms Shaken
Now is not the time to forget your social graces, but if in these trying times you lose your cool, you may be pardoned. The world is in sort of an uproar you know. If it's not your personal life that's in a crisis, maybe the next person's is. Not only are we as a nation re-writing our history, but some of the people I know closely (namely me) are adapting different tolerance levels just to survive.
A few days ago some of my friends discussed their personal financial portfolio in a group of people. At first I was shocked because this couple likes everyone to think they have money. They are also very private people. I listened intently hoping to pick up some measure of their personal worth. It didn't work and I found myself more moved by how the economic crisis has us all forgetting our social manners of discretion.
One of my managers is somewhat moody. We tend to think of her as being so solemn she skips some heartbeats. Well when I engaged a co-worker in dialogue about the stock market, my managers face turned red (not blushing - just showing some form of life). This manager lost almost 10% of her investment in just a couple of days. She was facing the week with fear. To me it sounded like she needed some support - really. If we weren't near strangers I think she would have leaned over and cried.
Society as a whole is changing their economic focus inward. While many of us can't do much about the stockmarket, we have unconciously merged into the group of Rocky Investors. And there are no strangers. No one is an outsider. We are forgetting to "not talk to strangers". Hoping to find some relief in the "misery loves company" scene, we hope anyone at anytime will talk in economic terms. If not as a participant, but as a by-stander, we have seen or become a bunch of nosey folks. We eavesdrop, we lean over just a little bit farther to hear the word "bailout". We even ask people about their private financial business. Shame on us! When it's all said and done, we will have created a new economic social order not soon to be forgotten.
A few days ago some of my friends discussed their personal financial portfolio in a group of people. At first I was shocked because this couple likes everyone to think they have money. They are also very private people. I listened intently hoping to pick up some measure of their personal worth. It didn't work and I found myself more moved by how the economic crisis has us all forgetting our social manners of discretion.
One of my managers is somewhat moody. We tend to think of her as being so solemn she skips some heartbeats. Well when I engaged a co-worker in dialogue about the stock market, my managers face turned red (not blushing - just showing some form of life). This manager lost almost 10% of her investment in just a couple of days. She was facing the week with fear. To me it sounded like she needed some support - really. If we weren't near strangers I think she would have leaned over and cried.
Society as a whole is changing their economic focus inward. While many of us can't do much about the stockmarket, we have unconciously merged into the group of Rocky Investors. And there are no strangers. No one is an outsider. We are forgetting to "not talk to strangers". Hoping to find some relief in the "misery loves company" scene, we hope anyone at anytime will talk in economic terms. If not as a participant, but as a by-stander, we have seen or become a bunch of nosey folks. We eavesdrop, we lean over just a little bit farther to hear the word "bailout". We even ask people about their private financial business. Shame on us! When it's all said and done, we will have created a new economic social order not soon to be forgotten.
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